The Ironsmith...

Im quite enjoying life now...despite the day camp...Everything is going on rather well...save for one thing...

Theres something which is bothering my peacefulness...A disturbing thought which keeps staying in my mind...A voice in my head keeps telling myself that something is missing...

Lemme tell you all a story which depicts my life as of now...

There once lived an ironsmith who had found such good quality iron which also contained magical properties...the best that he had seen in his entire life...but the fate of this good quality iron had took another turn and did not become what the ironsmith had wanted it to be...

Sometimes he wished he could turn back time...sometimes he wish he could go back to the point in time where i could strike while the iron is hot...But he didnt, not because he didnt see the opportunity, but because he didnt think that it would benefit himself in any way then...

As time goes on, the iron has lost its heat...Its becoming less and less malleable than before...he could no longer shape it into something he had loved it to be...In fact, while the iron was hot, other fake ironsmiths had come to destroy the good quality in it by fashioning it into crude objects and not handling it properly.

The iron has become forged in such a way that he could no longer handle, it has been badly disfigured into crude weapons which the ironsmith couldnt bear to look at. What would he think, having the finest quality iron of all and then some fake ironsmiths come to ruin its quality.

Now the ironsmith is facing a dilemma...He could do 2 things...

Firstly, he could try to reforge the object which the iron has been changed into...The problem here is that the iron itself has been rejecting its grasp (its a magical iron remember). He tries to find out the different methods he can use to get the iron forged, but to no avail as time and time again he could not even place one finger on the iron. The other problem is that the more he ponders over it, the longer the iron would go without being fixed. Every minute of delay would expose the iron to more rust until the iron has gone to a point where it can forever not be fixed again. (he could not even oil the piece of iron he got)

Or secondly, he could simply just forget the piece of iron and move on...However this is the best quality of its kind in the world and thus how could anyone ever bear to part with it...But this would save the ironsmith a load of trouble, however it'll be very selfish of himself to ditch the iron when many people wanted to see it forged into a shiny object.

So if you were the ironsmith, what would you do to that good quality iron which u have truly treasured all this while...Would you do your job as an ironsmith to change it even though it seems as if it your efforts would all be in vain...Or would you forget that piece of iron and run away from your true fate...

The ironsmith then decided that while what had happened does hurt, he could either run from it or learn from it...And of course he decided to reforge the piece of iron...But he is unsure of how...

I guess...my life is not much different from that of an ironsmith after all...being able to face my problem at hand but unsure of how...

That is the somthing which is missing in my life...

And if u know me well enough, you should know what my story is referring to...I suppose only about a handful of people whom im closer to would know...

A brief update...

A brief update about my screwed life now.

Things are going very bad...

Last week, results were out...i didnt fail anything cept chemistry...ok dat was sort of a good start.

However, once i calculated my overall, i failed both chem and physics (I GOT 49!!)...LOLZ...that means CON CAMP.

Even worse...im made to drop chemistry by the school (on whose order i wonder...)...Some say,"drop lar then just go day camp..." Others say,"its just a stupid subject, wads so bad about dropping it..."...

Well...its more than just a subject to me...it means alot to me...those of you who know me well would know wad im talking about...

So even if i hang on to chemistry, it'll mean con camp...Well at least thats better than dropping it...

Now for con camp, it starts from 8am and ends at 9+pm...and next week, theres an end of year camp which ive been really looking forward to going for MONTHS but i find out that i JUST CANT ALREADY...its such a screwed feeling...to be staring at something you are really looking forward to right at the face but it has become something completely out of your grasp...

Some would say "but if you had studied harder, you could have avoided being in that position"...Well, I already tried my friggin best studying as soon as i got back from school till around 3am...with only 3 hrs of sleep...Wad more can you ask for?
Please understand, I have improved alot in many subjects with that kind of studying (from 6 failures in mid year to only 1 failure), so dont come tell me that i didnt study enough, you may come tell me that i didnt study SMARTLY...but please dun tell me that i didnt study enough...

And you know what? If 2 weeks of concentration camp from morning to night isnt bad enough, i really got more than what i bargained for...I get humiliated by heartless people who keep giving comments lyk "haha, ur a failure", "haha you con camper", "haha who ask you not to study hard enough", "you noob i owned you", "haha I'll be enjoying myself while ur suffering out there"

Worst comment i got was "haha you cant go to your end of the year camp cos of your CON CAMP! Thats your punishment for not studying enough!" I really felt like punching that person, killing him, which i so easily can...But i know that by doing so, i would become no different from the heartless person he was.

However, i must thank the people who have supported me throughout this time and been there to comfort me all this while, I really appreciate it, no matter how little (better than nothing, or at least better than those heartless people out there) or how much...Thank you all...I really hope that this would be my last time posting like this...

I wonder, when would this humiliation end?...I dunno...Im really going through a lot of mental suffering now...I really begin to wonder if this is really God's will for me...I really begin to wonder why God is allowing me to go through so much torment...Even worse, why does God allow such people to carry such bad character?

I sometimes cant help but think, is God even watching over me?

Father, if you are really out there, please may your rod comfort me.
For others who are going through the same ordeal as i am, do be their shepherd and guide them.
For those people who still continue to put others down, i pray that you forgive them for they do not know what they are doing and do be a light of truth for them.

Test on ME, ME and ME...

Name: Me
Nicknames: Too many to count
Name spelt backwards: Em
Name without vowels: M
Name without consonants: E
Birthday: 1st July 1991
Glasses or contacts: Glasses
Hair colour: Usually black but becomes radiant brown under the sun...
Hair Length: Medium
Hair Style: Anything and everything...nuff said...
Pets: Used to have lots of dogs in my previous-previous house...then had a dog in my previous house but had to sell it away (so sad)...then in my current house, ive got a hamster named Digger (deceased...i dunno why)...And errm...does Melvin Tan Bao Jian count as a dog?

Favourite
Animals: Whales and all other animals except bugs
Band: Any band which plays nice music
Brand for clothes: U2, OP, Converse, etc
Brand for shoes: Nike, New Balance...
Candy: ALL...
Cereal: ALL...
Colour: Blue
Cookie: OREO, OREO! OREO!
Day: Everyday's a special day, today, tomorrow, yesterday...Everyday's a special day to me...Oh yeah...Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, SUNDAY!
Disney Character: Captain Jack Sparrow
Drink: ANY DRINK IS NICE EXCEPT FLASHY FRUITADE FROM F&N
Fast Food: ALL...
Food: ALL BUT CHEESE...
Holiday: Disneyland in America, i forgot which state lol it was lyk how many years ago...Oh yes and i had a quite a good time in London as well...Malaysia is not bad...Shanghai OEP was quite an educational experience too...
Ice Cream: ALL...
Month: July, November, December
Number: 7, 8, 9...Haha seven ate nine...
Perfume: Do i even have perfume?
Pie Flavour: Chicken
Pizza Topping: Anything but cheese(which is stoopid since cheese covers almost every pizza...)
Restaurant: Anywhere with good service...Also lyk buffet restaurants...
Subject in school: Biology
Type of music: Anything which sounds nice
Type of sandwich: Tuna

HAVE YOU EVER...
Asked out a crush: Yes...nuff said
Been on stage: Yes...
Been scared to get a shot: HELL NO! But i hate the camera flash though...
Cheated on a test: Yes...but i failed it anyway since i copied the wrong guy lol
Cried during a movie: Yes...Quite a few of those disney movies...
Felt like you didnt belong: Yes...
Fought a black belt: During sparring sessions? Yes...Unless ur talking about a real fight then HELL NO...
Kept to a New Year's Resolution: Yes and No...
Kept a secret from everyone: Yes...but i dun hide secrets which i feel worth not protecting...
Stolen anything: Yes...
Told a girl you liked her: Yes...
Won a trophy: Yes...nuff said...
Written a love poem: YES AND THANK GOD THIS SECTION IS ENDING...

The Last...
CD listened to: CD? All my songs are in real player...LOL
Movie watched: Lord of the Rings ROTK on DVD, Ant Bully (weird show) in the Cinema
Person that called you: Shaun Cheong Wei An
Person who saw you cry: Nobody...Cept for God
Person you went to the mall with: I havent done any shopping yet
Song listned to: Somebody Told Me by The Killers
Thing you ate: Prawn Noodles
Thing you drank: Slurpee

Others
If you could describe urself in 3 words: Your best friend (and i mean it...)
Is your computer in your room: Yes and No (if u count the study room as my room lol)
Is your room messy: Duh...Whose isnt?
Whats some of your favourite junk food: Lays Barbequed Potato Chips
What colour are your bedroom walls: Yellow...i wanted blue...
What do you do when ur bored: Go into my hyperactive mode...Or daydream if im too lazy
What makes you happy: Friends, family, and the fact that no matter what happens, God will always be there by my side...
What makes you sad: The fact that Schadenfreude (A malicious satisfaction obtained from the misfortunes of others) exists in this world just lyk the days of Noah, as seen if u take a good look at everything going on around u. Schadenfreude usually ends up leading to many personal, national, global problems...
Whats your favourite thing to do on weekends: Hang out...
Worst feeling in the world: Hate (leads to loads of unnecessary conflicts)...and sometimes Love (depends...)

Well haha thats all folks! Me out...

Today's Society (A Case Study)

Survival of the fittest...Adapt or go extinct...

Yes, we live in a competitive society. Being a competitive society has its benefits, like it always ensures that there would be constant improvement with people striving to do better and better to sort of survive in this world...In other words, survival of the fittest.

However, if u take a close look in the animal kingdom, they play dirty to survive. They'd use underhand methods in order to find food, water, mates, etc. Lyk predators constanly keep attacking the sick, wounded or young animals for food. And then that predator also gets chased off by a bigger predator (who doesnt want to work for his food) sometimes. Those animals who survive would end up being the supposedly better ones...But the main targets are the animals who fight during mating and receive injuries, wouldnt they truly be the better ones?...That, only the zoologists would know...

Look at us humans? Are we any different? Examinations are in a way a test of the survival of the fittest. Have u seen those people who play dirty in the exams? There are many people who cheat and never get caught, and supposedly end up being doing well without studying...without any work...Unfair play...

It can even be before the exams, people who purposely try to distract others to make sure they do badly so that they can eliminate potential competitors. Ever seen any of those?

Remember World War 1 and 2? World War 1 was started due to an arms race, all it took to start it (which eventually did of course) was a spark, in which it was the assasination of an archduke which started the chain reaction. Competitiveness led to disaster. When Germany lost, and after they were put under the Treaty of Versailles and series of hardships caused by the treaty, those who managed to survive became stronger with only a taste for revenge, world domination, and to boycott the TOV (another survival of the fittest)...They then decided to fight another world war which caused many more hardships.

During the cold war, there was a competitive nuclear arms race between USA and the Soviet Union which almost led to world destruction in a nuclear war. This also goes under the survival of the fittest concept, whereby the one with more nuclear arms would sort of emerge as the victor.

Of course theres a minority who choose to boycott the Survival of the Fittest concept and lead normal, or good lives. They usually end up being seen as potential prey and are used by power hungry competitors to gain power(lol duh)...

Is nature turning us into animals? Are we so different from them? The scary truth is, we are quite similar. We are caught in a dilemma now - Adapt or Be Wiped out whereby to adapt with the animalistic, power hungry, greedy, etc crowd so u can fit in and be "cool" and have bigger chance to survive using evil underhand means, sacrificing character for power. Or choose to not adapt and then be used by the power hungry crowd for power, and eventually go extinct...

The text below is taken from one of my previous posts. Schadenfreude is one of the characteristics which the power hungry crowd have. Indeed, people with good character are beginning to go extinct now.

Schadenfreude

A malicious satisfaction obtained from the misfortunes of others.

Its really sad that nowadays, people take pleasure in the sufferings of others.

Something so simple as making fun of a friend who has setbacks in his life can cause hurt on the latter's self pride.

Not just that, however it would sow the seeds for future Hitlers and Osamas whose so called humour is derived from schadenfreude...

In Matthew 24, in verse 37, Jesus prophesied that "as it was in the days of Noah, so shall it be in the days just before He returns." Well, how were things in the days of Noah?"And God saw that the wickedness of man was great in the Earth, & that every imagination of the thoughts of his heart was only evil continually. The Earth also was corrupt before God, & the Earth was filled with violence" (Genesis 6:5,11).

Behavioral scientists have concluded that one of the main culprits is TV!--By the time the average American child is 15 years old, he will have witnessed the violent destruction of more than 35,000 human beings on television, as well as 200,000 other brutal acts of violence!

Children's cartoons today also contain all kinds of sickening violence. Eclipsing "The Teenage Ninja Mutant Turtles" and "The Simpsons", MTV's "Beavis and Butthead" has become a children's favorite. A far cry from the Disney cartoons of a generation ago, Beavis and Butthead routinely torture animals, set fire to furniture and engage in all kinds of abhorrent juvenile behavior.

Corrupted minds...I've really got nothing to say...because the change can only come from an individual himself...

Whats Next?

After exams...Party?

I thought the stress was all over...

Well i thought wrong...

Theres a high chance of me getting into concentration camp...The possibility of failing any subject is very high. Plus my retarded mid-year examination marks would pull down my final exam results by at least 1 or 2 grades...
Con camp is just standing at my doorstep, waiting to come in...

Now...im losing my cca companions...they're all gone like the wind. Some mite say,"but the scout troop is so big wad...from 100+ can at least find 3 companions and 1 reserve..."
But u cant count sec4s(lyk duh) and sec3s(only 1 can go and it wont reflect well on u to pick someone of ur age as it shows that ur going on the hike just because u wanna PASS and not cos u wanna PASS on knowledge)...
So look at the sec2s and sec1s...about 100 in number rite...ok and lyk 8 ppl are lyk going for cca hike so its lyk 32 very on ppl who are gone from that number leaving only lyk 50-60+...Out of that 50-60, most are sec1s (i mean since sec2s are the most favoured hike companions)...Some dont even know what a cca hike is (u mean acs had hiking as a co-curricular activity?)...Lol...I dun think i have to mention anything more about this...

Next...Im being owned in DOTA 0-10 by some average team...Now i dun wanna be arrogant but...DOTA is a game which i usually dominate in...And i get owned so badly...I mean by right i shd at least get more kills than deaths...but i killed none and died 10 times...Thats totally sad for me...

Now wads next? Failing the re-exams at con camp? Failing CCA due to lack of or no companions? Owned at dota 0-20? Worse still, get retained in sec3 (u'll never know...anything can happen right? lyk u didnt expect michael schumacher's engine to blow while he was FRIGGIN LEADING!!!)?...

Bad bad bad...Its hard to be the same old optimistic me at times lyk these...

Why do we fall?
So that we can learn to pick ourselves up...
Same cant be said for parachutting haha...

Full Time Report

Firstly a brief recap of the papers before the weekend...The combined humanities and English papers were quite easy...Physics and Geography were killer papers...E maths 1 was retarded...A maths and chemistry were rather ok...

Now heres a report on the papers done after the weekend till now...Also with a rating out of 10 with 10 being the highest and 1 being the lowest lol...

Chinese Language 1
Initially thought it was hard...However it was quite ok...The Chinese E dictionary proved to be a great asset here...Yes buy it...only 25 bucks lol...Anyway i think 2 hrs is far too much time...Alot of people finished it in lyk 1hr 30 mins...What to do? Sleep sleep sleep...Zzzzzz...
Difficulty Rating: 5/10

Chinese Language 2
This was quite hard...Cloze passage was rather a guessing game. The Multiple Choice Comprehension had choices which were very similar(lyk duh)...And many misunderstood the final passage of the paper...Some couldnt finish actually...However i must say that this is rather ok for a chinese paper though it was still quite hard lol...
Difficulty Rating: 6/10

E Maths 2
Ok, when i said i was about to burn my e maths paper, I think i'm gonna reconsider now. This paper is super easy. Many also found it easy...However some forgot their cosine rules...All in all, quite an easy paper.
Difficulty Rating: 5/10

Biology 1
Quite easy...Required a little bit of thinking here and there. Too much time was given however...Its not nice being stuck there for 1 hr just to do 40 qns which only take 30 mins to complete...Its lyk more boring than sitting there for Chinese Paper 1. However i must say that this papaer was really easy.
Difficulty Rating: 4/10

Biology 2
Another easy paper, however some forgot where to draw the liver or kidney. Some said it was hard (i still dun believe). I loved the free response questions as well. Just hope that the teachers can read my BAD handwriting haha...
Difficulty Rating: 5/10

Geography 1
A very easy paper. However theres a rumour which circulated stating that a lot of people failed their Geography 2 which was why this paper was made easy. Well though paper 2 was hard i dun think they wouldve known how many people had failed. Nonetheless, thanks for the free marks!
Difficulty Rating: 5/10

A Maths 2
Screw this paper. A maths 1 was way easier than E maths 1. Then A maths 2 is way harder than e maths 2. Wad the hell. Yep this paper was the killer, we've been trig-ed. I dun think i'd fail however, should be enough to pass. I wonder why some people said this was easy. I bet they're lying too...
Difficulty Rating: 7/10

Quite ok overall...Chemistry, physics and geography are those super hard subjects out to con camp us. Lets hope for moderation and hope that the teachers would go easy on our papers.

The race is run
Winning is not what matters
For the race is all about believing in one's own ability
Our results are no longer in our hands
Pray for the best, but at the same time, be prepared for the worst
And anything better should be counted as a bonus

Half Time Report (rather late dun you think so?)

Heres a brief description of all the papers ive encountered so far and a difficulty rating out of 10 added (with 10 being the highest and 1 being the lowest...but ur supposed to be able to infer anyway right?)...

Social Studies
Rather easy paper. Too much time was spent on source based leaving quite a bit less time on the structured question. The structured was quite confusing for those who tried to spot questions but should be a rather easy paper overall.
Difficulty rating: 4/10

English Language 1
What can i say? Writing compositions is fun afterall. Some people said that there was not enough time to complete both parts(i actually thought that there was too much time). Some had even forgotten the format of writing a speech (but isnt that the easiest one?)...But anyway for the more English-inclined people, its a piece of cake...Sad thing is we cant perceive the result we are about to get just by doing it as it all lies in the hands of the marker. I had also written a narrative about a country in dictatorship...the marker may/may not like the essay...what if he/she said it was out of point and failed me just for that? Arrgh please like my story ok?...
Difficulty rating: 3/10

English Language 2
Ah...Comprehension...Overall it was quite easy however some marks will be lost like for vocab considering many people like myself do not know the meaning of jaunty(which means cheerful...but why is a flag cheerful?). Also some people did not know how to do the summary properly. Anyway quite an easy paper where observation is key to comprehending hehe.
Difficulty rating: 4/10

Physics 1
This is a very bad excuse for a guessing game...Nothing else to say...
Difficulty rating: 8/10

Physics 2
Quite ok other than the fact that the moments question confused many. Also, the light rays questions are very irritating. However once you get the right formula with the right values to use, it should be okay. Nonetheless it was still quite tough
Difficulty rating: 7/10

Chemistry 1
Quite an easy MCQ paper. Some thinking required here and there but quite ok overall.
Difficulty rating: 6/10

Chemistry 2
Errr...Lemme think...Isit hard or isit easy? Its an easy chem paper which is still quite hard for me considering that i am weak in chem. Some people thought it was hard too but most people who have studied would find it quite ok...I feel that there is too little time as well...
Lets go con chem yea...
Difficulty rating: 7/10

Geography 2
Screw this paper...Screw it screw it screw it!!! I studied so hard and yet the questions screwed me up. I didnt understand quite a number of them. Alot of ppl found it hard. Btw Y in the coast diagram is a wave cut platform and not an arch which many people thought it was. Stoopid paper...The natural resources question required quite a bit of infering as well...Hate case studies!! Toughest paper of all.
Difficulty rating: 9/10

History (Elective)
"Stalin!" (Clap* clap* clap* clap*)...Woohoo wad an easy paper...However, I spent too much time on the source based just like in social studies. I personally feel that there should be more time added as alot of people couldnt finish their structured questions on time. But overall its an easy paper.
Difficulty rating: 4/10

E Maths 1
Dam this paper. This paper makes me ANGRY!! THERES A REASON WHY E MATHS IS CALLED ELEMENTARY MATHS...ITS NOT SUPPOSED TO BE DIFFICULT! OMG...i mean geography may and can be expected to be hard(though i will prefer it not to be) cos its not called Elementary geography right...HOWEVER YOU BLOODY PIECE OF E MATHS PAPER, YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO BE HARD DAMMIT...UR ONLY SUPPOSED TO BE EASY OR ELEMENTARY!! Trying to con camp me eh? How about "Pyro's got a surprise reserved just for you awaiting your return..."...watcha gonna do, you useless piece of paper? Come con camp that, son of a dead tree!...
Difficulty rating: 8/10

A Maths 1
Emaths is called Emaths as it will give you an E8. On the contrary, Amaths is called Amaths as people who practice well enough will be rewarded with an A1 or A2...I love this paper. Nothing on trigo, functions or radian measure came out(thus i can say that paper 2 will be the killer)! However i must say there were some slips here and there and i lost quite a bit...Still enough to get an A however(if the teachers can read my super bad handwriting hah)...Anyway i dun understand why quite a number of people found it hard so im gonna give it an extra point in the difficulty rating.
P.S. Wanna have sets with me? hahaha...
Difficulty rating: 6/10

So that quite sums up the half time report. See you all after the full time is up!

9 subjects...
18 papers...
11 down...
7 more to go...
5 more days...
Outwit, Outplay and Outlast the Con-campeitais...

The Deep Breath Before the Plunge

It's a quiet time now...There's no more life in anyone, not even myself. Everyone rushing their studies and becoming ignorant of all else that moves...

This period what you call the Deep Breath Before the Plunge...or the calm before the storm...Everywhere you go, its as if you walked into some barren wasteland because it seems there is no life anywhere. Everyone is preparing for the exams...

I don't want to be in an exam, but waiting on the edge of one I can't escape is even worse...

Do remember to pray for all those taking the exam...